hold me now, i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinkin
maybe six feet ain't so far down...

walking around, i think i'm going to run into camilo and ann and marsha and aimee and maybe my old ta... but then i look up from the ground and see that everything's so much bigger, so many more people hanging around. new routes to get to classes and having to time how long it takes to get places again. instead of going across campus in ten minutes it takes fifteen. stairs and stairs and stairs. but the people! there's people around. same classness, same apathy and bitching about profs. and i don't want to do class or work or anything involving thinking. i walked in and realized i was so far away... why try to catch up when it's all going so fast? in highschool things went fast but you had something to look forward to. now i have nothing to look forward to, and i haven't taken the time to find something to strive for. just tired again. a highschool burnout. i scare too many people again, and yet... and i retired my helix piercings on friday. i was too far down to really care anymore, i didn't figure i would last for long then. i guess i pulled out of it... i don't know how. i miss being clever and intelligent and good. i miss being able to understand things and be really enthusiastic about concepts. weird dreams, weird waking thoughts. and i need to talk to you more. need more.