only heaven knows

cripes, i just spent the entire day making stars, and now i'm really wired sitting in my room on the internet and i don't know what else to do...

i picked out my old creative writing journal the other night. it's interesting to go back and read what i wrote at that time in my life. just to remember things, see that i really did know what i was talking about, knowing that my beliefs didn't just all of a sudden spring up (and i can now prove things to people)... views on love, death, friends, and pretty much just general rambling on my part that again only i know what the hell i'm talking about. being able to pick out the he's and she's and know exactly who i was talking about at the time, remembering what concern and love and true warmth feels like, and seeing that i haven't really changed all that much, even though it seems that i have.

and oh, how things have gotten complicated, in almost every facet of my life. my life, other people's lives, probably just life in general. i love how everything gets turned around just when you planned the next couple years of your life (see: sarcasm). the type of complete mindfucks that just leave you wondering "wait, what just happened?". and remembering that only you control you, and that metal and scars and ink are a part of you, and that everything really is beautiful, even if you can't see it at the moment because it's too dark out to see anything.

how about going to spain, or transferring colleges yet again? what exactly is the limit on that, four times, three different schools? i'm going to have to look into that, if for nothing else that my parents think i'll never do anything in my life with a sociology degree. funny them, who said that i'd ever actually use a degree in life?

i need to write more on paper, or maybe i'll end up posting some of the things that i found from that journal...