So far from typical...

I feel the need to write. I know, I know, almost a year passes and I write a couple posts, then do it again a year later. In all honesty I've been waiting until I wrote up my own code for the face of the blog before writing again. Then I find that the free time I thought I would designate to this blog turned into craft making or packing or drinking coffee and living. And now (amazingly) I'm actually doing all of my reading, so I have even less time to waste on setting together a template and coding it all up.

Excuses aside, there just hasn't been much of a need to write.

I went through a time last year when I felt anything I would write would hinge on the lamenting of a teenage sexually-confused clinically-depressive girl who was trying to break previous notions of herself. Yeah, so I'm not a teenager, but from the way I was conducting myself you wouldn't know it. Plus the privacy thing. As much as I say that I'll tell people anything they want to know about me if they just ask, there are still things that I don't want future employers looking at.

I wanted this space to get back to being productive in my life, but I didn't seem to need it in the same way that I did when I was fifteen or so. As I've mentioned before, I've become much more vocal about things that affect me, specifically things that I would normally just write to a blank screen about. Instead of writing the same (old) things that come back around in my life, I wanted to change my approach. Photography, tech musings, opening others up to the culture of body modification, contemplating a more adult life and getting into more geographically based topics. Things that matter more to me now that I'm not so focused on whether or not I can keep it all together.

So what's the deal? I've been reading a ridiculous amount of literature on gender/sexuality/power/queer, as well as social control and the history of the Romani people, and throw evolution into the mix to tilt how I look at all these things yet again. Even though all my classes are different, they all tend to have overlapping themes - and it's really odd how these themes come up on the same days in all of the classes, how one professor will almost continue the sentence of another with a slightly different focus, but when it comes down to it they're talking about the same things.

Sidenote: I'm going through all of the free songs that I've downloaded from iTunes trying to find ones that I might actually like (because when I downloaded them, I didn't actually listen to them, just got them because they were free. Never pass up free stuff, someone somewhere will like it). Consequently when I'm listening to different songs I think of different things, and therefore it may seem that my writing jumps around a lot.

PS: I really hate how punk/pop crap has managed to get a genre title of "Rock". Just... bad.

All of these themes bring up different internal conversations that directly question who I am (and quite often who I am trying to be). It's good to think about these things, to question yourself in terms of power, leading vs. following, asserting who you are even if others disagree with you. To be in a place where you can take what you find after those questions and apply them to your life as you're living it is a lot harder to achieve. It's one thing to acknowledge something in your self, but another thing entirely to let that show through to others without hesitation. It's that hesitation that keeps so much of us from doing what we actually want to do, express ourselves in a way that's comfortable to use and gives us joy, to be who we are.

And that, my friends, is why we are all in the closet.