sorry... wrong trajectory

i haven't listened to flickerstick in a forever. he sounds so good...

i'm tired and i want to be home. being away is good to make me see how much i miss. just the little things. the places. the people.

ah, the people. so much has happened. so much has changed in the past six months, did we ever see it coming? i've always felt like i'm just sitting on the sidelines watching it happen, but then i look back and see that i'm in a different place too.

i scared myself badly last night. it was one of those times when i was just letting life take me as it passed by, but then i wanted to get out of the slipstream... freaking about things i can't control. thinking that the only time i feel safe is when i'm with you people, when i'm with you, and when august rolls around... it scared me. every time i think i'm doing ok, i think about something like that again.

it's so weird when it just creeps up on me. one second i'm ok, the next i'm thinking damn why didn't i bring those blades with me. but i know why. it's because i don't want to have to do that again. i don't want it to become a habit. i've been good for three weeks (which doesn't say all that much considering it was five months before). i've got someone else to keep in mind. it's... easier now.

don't mind me. i'm just still trying to figure everything out.

cripes, i have so many things that i have to think about, but right now i'm just letting myself rest. stop freaking out for a few days.

real posts to come. i promise.