let's try this again

ok. i don't think i'm gonna write a post as good as the one i stupidly deleted, but hey i'll try.

last week was not nice. not nice at all. one: i am becoming increasingly uncomfortable around people. any people. people in general.

b: all this thrashing me around is getting me to the point where i'm debating going on a vacation from that friendship. permanently. granted, i've needed to do this for about 4 months, but you know i go back and forth in emotions so much, it's a wonder i ever commit to anything. oh wait, i don't.

thirdly: the english nazi, the rat, the hormonal history woman... and adults in general. i've already explained why i dislike adults so much, but these people are by far the people i dislike the most. um, yeah that's enough for that one.

four: right now i'm really caring about what the hell i do with my life, and then my parents come in and treat me like i'm some kind of idiot. well fine then, why should i even bother. might as well get my g.e.d and get life over with. or die but that's a different post altogether.

e: i can't write, or verbally form sentences for that matter, for shit. i've noticed this becoming an increasing problem this year. i mumble a hell of a lot more than i used to. i do more of the whole start/finish a sentence in my head, saying the rest outloud, and then the people who i'm talking to think i'm insane. i think my hatred for english has translated itself into my vocabulary, because now i make up words and use them frequently in my conversations. claire gets it, and that's about it. sad thing is i think in nonsense words, and it makes perfect sense to me. for as much as i've tried to stop using profanity (especially goddamn it... you can't really take an atheist seriously when she constantly uses the phrase god damn it), it hasn't worked. i think i'm actually cussing more now. some times i know exactly what i want to say in my head, but when i open my mouth to say it, it disappears. that happens a lot. probably better for me though, since no one can understand what the hell i say anyway. as far as writing goes, i generally can't write for shit. i either can write how i can understand it (which i frequently do here, with the whole made up word things, non sentences, one word sentences, and probably any other stuff you can't understand when you read this blog), but then no one else can understand it, and i certainly can't turn it in and expect a decent grade. the other side is, try to write coherently, but then it takes me about half an hour to write 2 consecutive sentences. so yeah.

sixthly: i'm here complaining about my life when zander has cancer and could very well die. oh yeah, i never posted about that 'cause i was on a no-blogging diet. so yeah, like on the 13th we found out that zander has cancer. they already took out his pancreas and a few of his lymph nodes this week, so he's in the hospital resting up, before he starts treatment sometime this week or so. so yeah, that was a downer.

i had a whole post about this on friday, the epic one, before i highlighted the whole thing and pressed "c" instead of ctrl+c, and wiped it all out. i can't rewrite what was there, it takes too much brain power, and i don't have that this morning. i'll just say that you should stop by his place and check him out for yourself. he's got some guest bloggers on there since he's in the hospital, so check the bylines. and if you want to see some of the older stuff, go to his blogspot blog.

i bought shout: the very best of tears for fears on friday. listening to it now. music seems to make everything better.

today i have to memorize lines, burn a sound effects cd for my mother, and maybe i'll get out of my house and see daredevil. which means i probably won't.

i think i'm actually going to sign up for big t's creative writing class next year. it's really appealing to me right now, especially since i still have to fill up 2 semesters with electives.

i don't know. this last week was a no-blogging diet. maybe this week i'll do a no-talking week.

bah.