mad world

i just finished watching donnie darko. definitely, definitely up there in the level that my mind is in. you know sometimes things make so much sense, that things are so completely clear that you wonder why everyone else bothers. why everybody else can't just get it. like, you find out the meaning of life, but everybody else just tries to bring you down. but you still feel kinda sorry for them, being so ignorant, knowing that they're wrong and yet, and yet feeling so alone. because you're the only one. you're the only one who knows. there might be someone out there who feels like you do, who thinks like you, who is you, but you'll still always be alone. because even if they know, they don't know, you know?.

"and i find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had"

and it's so true. the time when you know everything, when you're completely sure about yourself, content with your life, there, in the moment, is when you know you're gonna die. it's the end, and even if you don't know it, deep down you're completely sure that it's the end. your soul knows it's the end. and it's content with how it all played out. totally fine with it all. and that, is the happiest that you'll ever be. now i know, you don't think that makes any sense, throwing scenarios at me like a violent death. but the thing is, you aren't connected to yourself. if you could feel yourself in the moment, if you could feel your soul in the moment, let your mind disconnect from the separateness of the world and merge with the oneness of the universe, you'd get it.

that movie brings up so many perfect thoughts, that all seem to validate what my mind has been saying for recent years. space time and thought are all one. emotions and the validity of the world around us. living our lives, and not being controlled by authority, be it ignorance or belief. living in the moment is the best thing you can do.

and i think the best stream of the movie: the only thing that matters in the end is your memories, the people that you have touched and the people who have touched you. we all play extremely significant parts in other people's lives. they would not be the people they are today if say, someone died. a life can change drastically in one small, seemingly insignificant action. it all goes with the universe theory. my theory. which is probably very similar to some other theories out there.

i should write a book.

i like it when i can think like this. sometimes i think these are the very moments that i live for. the moments when i figure it all out.

go check out the movie. donnie darko. tell me what you think about it.

see if it changes your life.