i don't know what she's sayin

i was listening to ben folds, trying to get the urge to write. that is such good music, i got caught up in it and couldn't think of anything else. well, i thought of something... someone... but that's not new.

i want to write about people, about my feelings about people, but it's just so damn hard to get it out onto paper. maybe i'm still paranoid. and for good damn reason. do i think i'll change? no. i don't trust people. and the only two people i do trust aren't here. figures. hope i didn't freak alex out...

ah, i'm wandering. it's so much easier typing things, 'cause once you put it on paper, then it's real. you can't change it, it's bare, it's like... writing your soul down on paper. for as much as i put down in here, i don't feel it's as real as when i write something down on paper. two different worlds. one i'm ok with sharing. the other, well, i'm at the point now where i need something to just be mine. i can share it with you, but only if i knew you could understand.

that's why it's so hard. i don't know what people think. i don't know how they feel. no one knows another person, truely. well, let me take that back, you can know another person like that, but that's another line of thinking altogether.

full moon's tonight. i think i will have insomnia.

alex, i need you.