instantly alone

question running through my head right now:

what does it feel like to feel good?

like, physically, mentally, emotionally healthy. i know i always notice when something good happens to me, because it's such a change from my normal. of course, i attribute a lot of my happy moments to my mood swings. and of course most all of my bad days to my emotions too.

anyway.

so i'm not a hypochondriac anymore. not really. being a hypochondriac implies that i'm looking to get my "ailments" fixed. i still think that i'm sick, i just know that doctors don't really give a shit about me. i know you always hear that doctors don't like their patients telling them what they think they have, but it's a whole different thing just to disregard everything your patient is telling you. i live in my body. i think i know when something's wrong.

so going to doctors anymore is just a waste of time and money.

thanksgiving weekend was... ok. a little on the bad side, as expected. i was really twitchy all weekend, and i'm still a little afraid to drive because of said twitchiness, but it's worn off a little. either that or i'm so tired i don't notice. my computer hasn't been that evil the last two days. i think it's just waiting until i have something important to do (like the government project) to majorly crash on me. also expected.

ugh. i need to stop falling asleep in class. it's really hurting my physics grade.

tired. off.