blah

life makes me sad.

so today was book day. longest. book. day. ever. word. it really was too long. so i got there at about 10:20 and thank god i found alex or i think i would've died. then everybody came and we went into the gym and listened to the nazi. yeah i said it. the nazi. she's a freakin psycho. yeah i know i usually give people a little more time before i judge (yes i judge) but from what i've seen and heard so far... well let's just say i hate all the people that made br. richard leave. yeah so after listening to the nazi and the rat and all of them we went to get our bookbill...

i got a fucking bottom fucking locker.

granted, it is the very last locker in it's row, so it'll be a little easier to get in and out of, but come freaking on. tomorrow morning i'm going in to mr. chacon's and asking him if i can switch to a top locker. yeah and if he says that there aren't any open, i'm going to pay someone to switch me. i know alex you said that i could have yours but i feel like i'd be taking advantage of your kindness and besides you like being by adam and brian and i doubt you'd feel the same way about shanae.

"sometime's i feel i've got to run away i've got to get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me..."

so yeah i'm still in the homeroom that i hate, but i have miriam and james to console me. they're cool. so anyway after i got my bookbill i went to the hall of death. we stood in that freaking hall for like an hour. and then we stood in the library for another half hour. aaahhh freak and then i went and saw my locker. oh well like i said i'll kill for a top locker. well not really but you get how much this pisses me off. so then since orientation took so freaking long i couldn't do anything with alex, and kyle and david were long gone, at least i didn't see them anywhere. so i had to come home. now that i think of it i should've went to mcdonald's with alex. damn oh well.

aaaahhhh it makes me feel... well not bad cause i'm trying to fix that in me but yeah i feel like i'm not worthy of such a great friend. (you know the real weird thing is she's the only one that reads this so it's like i'm talking to you alex... just in time-delay). really alex you are a really great friend to me. i don't know if i say that enough. but you are. and i know i could've told you earlier about me liking ... him ... but i was just so frazzled about everything. i mean we spent so much time together last school year and we're gonna spend a lot of time together this year, and i guess i was just hoping that it would go away but damn you know it didn't and it's like i like him more as time goes on. and you know that's never really happened to me, so i have no freaking idea what to do. like i always act like a complete idiot when i start talking about this stuff so i guess i just kept it to myself.

and you know i'd be talking about this to you in person except i'm not gonna have any time. at least not for about a week and a half.

but yeah i'll talk to you more now that i don't have so much personal crap to deal with (6 days til he's gone... FOREVER!).

mmm it felt soooo good to be by myself this morning. not having to listen to his crappy rap or his voice or any of his crap that i've had to deal with my whole life. it was really nice. i listened to flickerstick. of course it'll be different cause i went in the van today... he won't let me take his car until he leaves. apparently he has places to go.

i love it. i'm listening to "that thing you do" by the Oneders. or the wonders. whatever. i love it. that and "tainted love". mmm music.

i don't know. this year is gonna be weird. i mean i really don't want to start doing work again, or seeing all those people i hate, or seeing all those teachers i hate, but despite all that (and that bottom fucking locker) i'm hoping this year will be really really good. i don't know i'm trying not to think ahead a lot 'cause when i do i always end up fucking it up in my head and i get all freakin depressed. and i've already gone through that shit once and i really don't need to do it again. so i'm trying not to be a pessimist.

i saw sharon today. she was at school doing book day for jess. that makes me sad. i love sharon. i think she's the coolest mom ever. but since i haven't spoken to jess in what, 5+ months? i feel bad about it. i want to go talk to her and say "hey what's jessica up to?" but i still don't know what the hell that whole problem is. and i want to talk to her. see what the hell happened. i think it's been long enough that we could talk about it, but then again since i supposedly was the reason for the blow up maybe it isn't a good idea.

oh well i want to go surfing now.

byebye