sometimes i hate myself

aaaahhhh so i feel bad now because i never told her about him (previous post people). i know i should've but i could just never bring myself to it... being that i always feel that if i give any information that really means something to me someone could use it against me. the only reason i say that is because it's happened to me so many times before. and i trust alex. i really do. no, i really really really do. it's just hard for me. i'm not the one that shares what i'm feeling. i leave that up to other people and i listen to them and try and make them feel better, or just give them support. i'm not used to it being about me. that's just the way i grew up. it was never about me. it was always about chris, or mom, or dad, but never about me. maybe now that he's leaving i'll feel more comfortable talking about how i feel.

i have never felt like a worse friend than i do now.