those eyes

he is so beautiful. i saw him again last night, and i almost fell over with happiness. i was missing him sooo much when we got out of school, and then about a month ago i finally got him out of my head. but then i saw him yesterday and all that went out the window. everything came rushing back and i knew that i still couldn't do anything about it. i tell myself when i'm away from him that he doesn't matter... he doesn't give a crap about me... i'm just his weird friend... but you know how it is once you see them again. i don't know how i'm gonna survive this year. the sad part is that i'm such a chickenshit i'm never gonna tell him how i feel. damn me and my really low self-esteem. story of my life. him being there last night made everything so much better. it always does. and then i leave and start thinking about everything and it makes me want to cry. well usually it does make me cry.

WHY CAN'T I SAY WHAT I FEEL?!

i am such a sissy-bitch.