nothing really matters...

so i'm a little worried about myself. i'm actually considering starting to journal. the one thing that i vowed i would never do -- due to my extreme paranoia. i don't know, sometimes it's easier for me to actually write things rather than type them, so i might actually do it. i mean, i have like 5 journals that people keep giving to me... i guess that i look like the journaling type or something.

i don't want to take my glasses off. i've gotten used to them the past week. i'd forgotten how nice wearing glasses is. i don't want to put my contacts back on. ah well i'm wearing contacts for 2 weeks, throwing them away, wearing my glasses for a week, and then continuing with a new pair of contacts.

i really have to start memorizing. this is the shortest time we've ever had to rehearse for a play, and that's really not a good thing. usually the veteran thespians get their lines down with a week to go, and the day of opening night the others get their lines memorized... but then we had them every day, harassing them to learn their lines. now it's like once a week. for what, 2 and 1/2 weeks? wow. wow wow wow i didn't realize it was that close. well, i'm not worried about my guys. they're actually motivated. surprised me a little. serves me right for threatening people to join drama. it's just that with dan and andy and catte and saraphia gone, i feel like there's a huge part missing from the club. like when tim graduated. and i still miss tim. oh well so much for moving on. at least i still have scar and matt and peter and alex. not to mention kyle and daivd, my recruits... oh i feel sort of bad... they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. but still i think it's better than them getting mixed up with the *cough* speechies. i mean... uh... no really, i really like... most of the speechies. it's just, well, ok alex back me up on this one: drama is WAY more tame than speech. bah i should shut up while i still have some friends...

halloween this week. and i, i am going to dress in the regular black getup that i always say i feel comfortable in. it was weird... i don't know if i should feel offended or shocked... jansen was asking people what they were going to be for halloween, and when i said i was just going to wear black she said "i could see you doing that" or something to that effect. totally caught me offguard. like when the rat insinuated that i'm "not good enough to get into a college like berkeley, or any other college like that". bah i wanted to scream at her "do you know that i've been getting stuff from harvard and yale and notre dame and colleges like that since TENTH GRADE!"

but i stifled my compulsion yet again. i've been very good on recognizing my compulsions and stopping them, or at least consciously trying to stop them. of course there is that little fact that i'm getting more and more bugged when things aren't perfect. ah well lose one symptom of ocd, gain another more prominent one.

so much for seeing a movie with alex today.