over

i really hate mood swings.

i was fully ready and willing to post about drama. an actual, valid post. but no, my emotions can't stay even for more than two seconds anymore. i just can't handle this shit anymore. it takes too much energy to try and get myself out of depressive moods. energy that i don't have to give.

i just want to be able to sleep all day. not feel sick or sad, not feel anything. just be dead to the world and sleep. but yet again my internal time clock has decided that it doesn't want to let me sleep. or eat. or relax at all.

this weekend was supposed to be work on my berkeley application weekend. i can fill out all the information but i really really don't feel like writing three essays. i just don't think anything i write will present me in a good light. more like just pessimistic. ah well. have to do it anyway and get it in before end of november.

paying off my speeding ticket today. finally. sending my digital camera to get fixed. getting my film from last night developed. if i ever get out of my pajamas i might go into aztlan/4.20 gear and buy some 18 ga cbr's, even though i really don't want cbr's for my helix piercings.

depending on how pissed off my computer gets today, i might wipe out all my stuff in my account. my dad's tells me that it's "all the stuff you download", even though i don't download anything. so i'll just put everything on disk so he'll realize that windows really is shit. wait, he already knows that.

i think i've calmed down enough now. let's see.

so i didn't pay attention to the play on wednesday. i was too busy trying to get all my stuff in order and getting props at the last minute, that i completely blanked out on stage in the middle of my lines. in all my life of memorizing lines and being in plays, that has never happened to me. so needless to say i was thoroughly pissed at myself. thankfully alex got me out of it (thank you alex so much for that. i don't know what the hell i would've done without you). so yeah. i wasn't in the best of moods that day anyway.

thursday was actually really good, for being a thursday. at least i thought so.

last night was by far the best, and fridays usually are. we sold out the auditorium. my mom didn't get to stay in the audience like we were hoping, but she was really pleased with it anyway.

everyone was just awesome. right on (well, except for a couple times...). even with sickness and the stupidity of the administration they were great. you could feel the energy from the audience, and backstage, and it just gave us enough of a spark that we were kicked up to a higher level. sure there were still a couple of technical errors with cues and stuff and a few missed lines, but that's expected. and people ad libbed and got through it without getting frazzled onstage. it was just in all a really great performance. and thanks to all our friends that came and watched us. your support really means a lot.

we had our little cast party with the drama family afterward, and then a few of us went over to ihop after. it was nice to be able to hang out with everybody. and hanging out with sam and oscar is always an experience.

i'm just proud of everybody that was in the production. you guys did a great job, and i know i'm going to totally miss you next year.

mmm. it's almost noon, so i suppose i shall be off.