instant gratification

want to hear something funny?

i got my report card yesterday. it says A first quarter, A second quarter, and D for semester in calc. we were laughing about that, but now it says i got a 3.5 and i have to get that fixed monday because i need my transcripts for the lanl scholarship. not that it seemed to have hurt my gpa too badly. oddly.

someone sent my mom a bunch of bluebirds today, for her birthday. we figure shiela and my grandma got in on it, since there's little grey ones with red on them too. they always send her birds.

thought: i find it odd, even though i don't believe in god, i'm still convinced that people exist when they're dead. but of course i've always believed that when you die your soul goes out but still stays around, i just don't believe in a heaven anymore. and i still believe that even though people are dead they can send you birds when you're having a bad day or when it's a special day or stuff like that.

a lot of stuff going on lately. a lot of chaos in life and confronting things you'd rather keep procrastinating about.

that at the same time that i'm still stuck so much into letting assignments and rules and stupidity get to me, i've changed, mentally. and i think i still am. the kind of change that no one else could see (because although, in theory, my soul should be a lot lighter and my outlook more serene, i still find that i'm still down and agitated about things). but the point is that i really like this frame of mind i'm getting into, even if it does come and go with my emotions, as so many other things have done. maybe one day i'll be able to tell you all about it, and maybe a few of you will actually be able to understand me.

sometimes we wish that our lives could be like that of people we see on tv or the movies, that kind of idealistic situation (guy/girl finds girl/guy, get into the perfect college, gain a friend from a previous enemy, the perfect job, all that kind of chic flick stuff). but then we overlook our real life, the real beautiful things that fill our lives. the people that mean so much to us, a hug, a look that makes us feel completely safe and perfect in the moment. the moments thoughout the day that give us a look into the universe and what it means to be alive. love, sorrow, anger, happiness, surprise, the fact that we can feel all these emotions so purely, and that you can feel your soul. a sunset or a night sky full of stars. a bird, a butterfly, a cloud, a baby, the moon, a symbol that means something to only you, something that gives you a pure shot of the moment. there are so many things in your life that are awesome.

recognize them when they happen, and realize that you don't have to be in a movie in order to feel right.