why helLO

i was trying to sound like casey's hello there. if that's how you could type it i think that's how it would be.

guess. who. just. walked. in.

so leaving that as a cliffhanger (not really), i'm on to keep posting. so so so lunch was... good. good considering i was sitting at my gram's thinking "didn't we just do this exact same thing a month ago??". and yes, yes we did. if i was a little child i would be completely terrified to go to my gram's house. but then again i dislike little children. and big family gatherings when it's not my mom's crazy family.

speaking of my mother's crazy family... jp and alex come tomorrow! or at least they're supposed to. i think alex wants to see gangs of new york tomorrow (alex check your email). oh woah i just noticed, that is really confusing. hmm, i would refer to my alex as brigitte, but i don't think she would appreciate that. ah chandler i'll call her the other alias chandler. so CHANDLER wants to see movie. and actually so do i, except that i have to cash my checks i got today from my gram and uncle and such for money. ah that's ok. i would invite daivd kyle etc. etc. etc. but they're all GONE! oh well too bad for them.

so i got 3 shirts from my mom, and i love them. there's a red one in there too, and i think alex will appreciate my mom getting that for me, given that i only wear 3 colors... ever (blue, black, and grey). now i have 2 red shirts to wear. what else what else. got a vanity mirror, um another kitty (that makes 3!), gloves, ooh silver hoop earrings... but now i need to get 2 more pairs so it won't look weird... 2 gold pairs with one silver pair...

christmas is such a weird holiday. it's all "baby jesus' birthday" and i'm like hey, jesus was born in the spring... not on dec. 25. but hey, i get 2 weeks of school off for it, so hooray for pagan turned christian holidays. all the good catholic references today and everything... i was this close to yelling out "stop talking to me about god i'm an atheist damnit!" but of course i restrained myself, given that i don't want to be thrown out of the house just yet.

just watched mixed nuts again... i liked it even though it's not the same when i don't watch it with jp and alex, but i'm pretty sure my parents thought it was terrible. sure, you can watch will & grace, but you find transvestites odd. go figure.

mmm transvestites. mmm frank. ah i really have to link that picture sometime. so anyway my dad got windows xp and is gonna install it on the comatose computer sometime soon, and apparently since this computer is about to die, he's gonna buy another one. or at least he's talking about it. i think it's crap since we still have to get my mom's van fixed, and pay bills, and that morgage (wait don't you spell morgage with a t? like mortgage? i think i'm slowly going insane). anyway there's a lot better things that we can use $1000 on than a computer. but hey it's not like i work to support us so i should shut up.

he is saying he wants to finish our rooms this next week. finally, after 6 years, we might actually get them finished. ah, i really love this house. i'm so grateful for this house. no matter how much i bitch about not being close to my friends, i really, really am fortunate to live here. wow i don't know where that came from. i just keep typing and things come flying out my head.

so so so. so i don't know what else to say. I'M GOING THROUGH FRIENDS WITHDRAWALS! i did this beginning of the summer, i don't see them for 5 days and i start to slowly go insane without their presence. ah well soon school will return and i will see them everyday again.

someone please remind me to register for the ACTs and the SATs. i really need to get that done. i have 3 semesters left before i graduate, and it's starting to really scare the crap out of me. this semester i have to: register and take the ACTs and SATs, apply for job at lanl so i know to start looking for a job if i don't get it, seriously think about what the hell i want to study in college... and try to get an idea of where the hell i want to go, confront my depression issue... and through that confront my friend issue. i have to start really taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. i have to get myself a doctors appt. so i can get off this birth control pill and see what the hell else we can do for my acne. well that and my whole hormones being shot thing (the thing that pisses me off is that my doctor doesn't freaking believe me that me only having one ovary throws off my whole hormonal system, therefore throwing my whole body off, therefore making me feel like complete crap almost every day. i mean, i'm not medical, but i have been living with this body for a while... i think i'd know when something isn't right). oh oh, i'm giving out personal information! my dad just reminded me today "that's good that you have a website, as long as you remember to never give out any personal information". yeah dad sure. i'm so sure some perv is gonna read this and come into ghetto new mexico and try to find me. shit no one knows where the fuck anything is in new mexico, how do you figure someone's gonna try to find me? now the government is a whole different thing. but i've already talked about that. i'm sure they're keeping tabs on all of us, especially on the net. especially after 9/11. so hi governmental dudes reading my blog. hope you're getting paid nicely for this. hope you run across some good porn while you're at it.

so this has turned into a sort of new years resolution thing hasn't it? i never do those, but i think i'm gonna try to stick to this one.

oh oh before i go... the funniest thing happened to me yesterday. my aunt and cousin came over, and my aunt saw me and she said "wow, you've lost weight!". i mean damn that caught me offguard. now i don't think any weight i've lost in the past year has been visible, but my first thought was like "wow, thanks! somebody noticed!" but then i started thinking "wait, are you saying i didn't look good before?!" and that's where i stopped thinking. thinking about weight can only bring trauma, so i prefer to wait a couple years and marvel at myself for losing 2 pounds. but now that i think about it, yeah, i do look like i lost weight. must be from me not eating lunch now, being that i've had no appetite whatsoever for the past couple months or so. no no just kidding. well, the me losing weight from not eating, not the me not being able to eat. i've looked this way since the end of summer.

so now i've gone from being thoughtful about the next year to being totally self-involved. damn i need a life. i'm gonna stop now before it sounds like i'm really self-absorbed.

merry christmas again.

oh i forgot the cliffhanger. it was satan and melissa. bah.