the anatomy of a tear

sitting on the floor, perfectly still. legs crossed, back straight, palms up. midnight. close eyes. inhale. feel the air filling my lungs. pause. exhale. pause. repeat. focus on the now. dreaming of zion awake. ok, so my mind isn't completely clear. so what. i'll focus on that song. at least i'm not crying anymore.

inhale. feel the air come down and fill the whole of my lungs. i'm such a shallow breather. feel my chest move. exhale. feel the need for breath again. the need for life. inhale. exhale. feel tears forming in my eyes. but i'm not even upset now. i'm calm. i'm meditating. why is there a tear coming down my cheek? inhale. exhale. feel the coolness of the air when it hits the wet streak across my face. inhale. exhale. feel the tear as it catches the corner of my mouth and runs onto my lips. inhale. more tears come. exhale. where are they coming from? does my soul just know that i'm not through crying? inhale. they're burning my skin. exhale. tears that burn. salt on a wound. back straight, head up. focus on the tears. inhale. pause. they're still coming. exhale. inhale. why? i'm calm. i'm detached. well, resigned. exhale. bring my hand up and wipe the tears off my skin. it burns. inhale. more come. exhale. let them. focus on the way they feel. the way they run down from the corners of my eyes, down my cheeks, catch the corner of my lips, and settle there. keep breathing. focus on right now. sleeping awake.

inhale deep, pause, exhale. wipe the tears off my face. and they've stopped coming. now i feel better.