sugar high

yesterday before i went over to alex's i watched empire records. again. and i remembered why i liked the movie so much when i watched it the first time, and it wasn't just because of ethan embry (then still ethan randall). and it really helped that i actually saw the beginning this time.

we saw the most amazing sky last night. full moon, scattered clouds. beautiful. the kind of thing you live your life to see. what was it brandon lee said? "Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustable well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even concieve of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless." - Brandon Lee during his final interview

this last week i've been... off. emotionally and all. from the fact that i'm physically fucked up, and because of everything else that just came together at a point a week ago. my outlook has changed. and i still miss you, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did before. i don't know if that's a good thing. probably not. but, you know, when you love someone, that's all you can do. just love them with all your being, no matter where they are.

of course you know.

i've been thinking a lot about buddhism, and a tattoo, and finding a balance in my life. i don't know what i'll finally end up doing, or going, or being, but i don't want to live my life like this. maybe i'd rather live in a fantasy world. i don't know. but i have to change, even if my reality doesn't.

speaking of change, i like the black look for now. i might change it back later on this week. but for now, i need the clarity of darkness.