i really dislike...

so i was sitting in history today, getting verbally bitch-slapped by the raving psycho, and thinking, dumbass... why can't you just shut up... we're not gonna change the way we do things, and besides you're making yourself look like a complete ass, not to mention using a lot of energy over this, so why don't you just shut the fuck up?! i honestly hate it. she bitches at us for "complaining" and then she goes and fucking complains because teaching us is soooooo hard.

aaaaaahhhhhh. my head hurts. you know what i dislike? mood swings. they fucking suck. i'm surprised anyone can stand to be around me now. i'm such a freak. ah yes i was thinking about that what, yesterday, and how very true it was. ah... it makes a lot of sense... sort of like how me and david had the revelation that we're a nazi society (or something like that). ah, friday was a good day. anyway yeah i've been having a bunch of little epiphanies lately, and they all make perfect sense.

at least, to me they do.

that's the other thing: i'm well aware that most of the time no one knows what the hell i'm talking about. before i was more... profound in my out-loud revelations. now i keep half of my out-loud revelations to myself, so people only catch my last apocalyptic phrase, and think i'm insane. sometimes i think i'm insane. but sometimes it really pisses me off, that none of my friends understand me. and who knows, maybe they really do, like really really do, but i'll never be so close to them as to find out.

that's another think that i've come to dislike: people leaving. so i know that in about a year and a half all of us will go off to different colleges, and i'm pretty sure that once they leave, i'm just about never going to see them again. which is really extremely hard for me, because this is the first group of friends that i've had that i actually love. that's right, i said it, love. i'd do just about anything for them. i can't handle people i really care about leaving. thinking about it, i can't handle a lot of things. but what always pulls me through whatever shit my head decides to throw at me is my friends. fuck, if it wasn't for them, i would be dead right now. i don't think i ever thanked you for saving my life... i don't think that you knew that you did, but you did. in a time when all the shit i was going through got too much for me, you kept me from killing myself.

wow. pathetic rambling turned into something i don't usually do... open up...

bah. i'm too tired to bother.