bah... to clarify

i love what brandin said about the lyrics to the songs... he tries to make them as vague as possible. i do that constantly when i talk to people about personal stuff. try to be as vague as possible. which is a good thing (it keeps my paranoia down) and a bad thing (i don't think my friends really know me). but being now that i have more than one reader, i guess i'll have to clarify some stuff that i say on this blog.

which is, in itself, quite hard for me. oh well.

soooooo... it has been pointed out that i speak about a "him" on and off in this blog. i still won't give any names because i don't want the "him" to know it's "him". well, in the case of one "him" ("him 2"), i haven't seen him in 4+ years, so i guess i could talk more about that. but in the case of the first "him" ("him 1") that i spoke of (directly after i started this blog back in august), i've stopped posting anything about him because, well, i figure it's not healthy for me to constantly talk about him. that and i'm determined to "get over him", although there has never been anything to "get over". again with the vagueness. oh well in this case i will always be very, very vague.

ah, i have 10 minutes, so i guess i can keep going.

so. ok. in the case of "him 2" that i haven't seen in 4+years: so for my last 3 years of school in pojoaque, i had 3 best friends, alicia, mario, and shaun. god, just writing about them makes me remember them. so anyway, mario, shaun, and i were always together at school. always. our teacher actually called us "the trio" or something similar to that. they could always make me laugh no matter what crappy mood i was in. when everyone else was stabbing me in the back, they were always there by my side, defending me, being what best friends should be. they are the only people that i really regret not keeping in touch with when i left pojoaque. we were all in the same class, but shaun was a year younger than us. and you could tell. i mean, like now, when people are saying their age, you can really tell the 15 year old from the 16-17 year olds. their just not on the same level as the older people. that's how it was with shaun. i loved him dearly, but if it was him or mario, i always felt closer to mario. we just clicked better. i mean, as much as a 10-11-12 year old boy and girl could. so anyway yeah. i've been thinking about mario for a few months now, wondering whatever happened to him. wondering what would happen if i ever happened to meet up with him again. i'll never know. i'll never ever go up to one of my "old friends" from pojoaque and ask them.

so now that that's over with, i will make the same vow with "him 2" as i did with "him 1", but for slightly different reasons. i will not speak of him in this blog again. except of course to clarify things, that is.

update: there alex, does that help, or not?