terrible.

so today was a weird day. i think it's because last night was a weird night. ok, so you know how when you have a really amazing dream, when you wake up you can never remember it? well, the dream wasn't "amazing", but i remembered it. a lot, if not most of it. and so when i got to school i wrote it down in the jounal that i have yet to really start using, because they say you're supposed to write down your dreams (or do they? aw, oh well). anyway, so here it is, as i wrote it down. the things that i'm adding now to further clarify it are in parenthesis. amazingly, i can still remember it:

so we were standing in the lobby at school, waiting, afraid. (we, being me, a couple other girls, and a lot of other teenagers.) it was like prison... it felt like prison. (now you have to understand, ever since the nazi came into power at st. mike's, we all feel that the school has become a prison. so it's not hard to imagine us being imprisoned in the lobby.) there were about... 7 guys (also teenagers) standing around, sort of guarding us. they were sorta... superhuman. i know, weird. so the thing is, there was this one guy/guard that i noticed. immediately i was attracted to him. he was wearing a red shirt/sweater with a stripe across the center. (i know that details are important in dreams, so i'm trying to remember it all.) i remember the shirt/sweater, but not his face. anyway, me and a couple of girls decide to make a break for it, so we run out the door into the gym. we're running top speed, one girl in front of me, one girl behind me. i glance behind me and i see that girl about to be picked off by the "guards", so i keep running. we get outside, she (the girl in front of me) runs straight, i turn to my left and try to hide behind something, try to lose the one guy that was chasing me. i do, he runs off to get the other girl, and so i think that i'm safe. but i keep running. out of the corner of my eye i see Him (red sweater guy). somehow i know that i can't outrun him, so i just give up. i sit down on the ground with my head buried in my hands. he has this red blanket. like, outstretched in front of him, you know like when you're trying to catch something? so i was feeling all doomed, well not doomed but like helpless. thinking it's all over. but he comes over to me, puts the red blanket on me, and just holds me. and then i'm not afraid anymore. i feel really safe. (safe, and loved. like he knew what i was feeling. like he knew me, knew inside me, and loved me.) and then I WAKE UP! isn't that so typical. but yeah. it was amazing.

i know that i've thought this before, but i've never verbalized it: i never feel so safe as when i'm in the arms of a guy who cares about me. i don't know what it is, but yeah. the feelings in that dream were intense. intense fear, the exhiliration of trying to escape, the terror of almost being caught, the sadness and fear of giving up, and then the intense love and warmth and safety i felt with him. bah. why can't guys like this actually exist, and not just in my head?! i don't know. so if anybody that reads this knows what dreams mean, you mind trying to decypher mine? i'd try to myself, but i think i'd be biased, me having the dream and all.

so yeah. wow. so now i have to get off and do english. oh joy.