remind me to bitch-slap god

i've been insanely cold all day. it doesn't help that i have a flimsy little sweatshirt jacket thing that doesn't really keep me all that warm. bah. bah today. bah everyday.

i have no idea what it is. i just come in, sit down, and then promptly want to leave. get away from everyone and everything. even the people that i really like being around, that i really miss when they're not at school, i want to get away from them. i just... can't stand it anymore.

no one's true anymore. something's happened to all of us, and we aren't true to each other anymore. it's an underlying anger, or sadness or something. whenever we're together... it's never like it was. and that pisses me off.

old friends and lovers (minus the lovers) are brilliant things to keep around for a rainy day, but it's not like i'm contributing or feeling the benefits from the relationships. there was a time that i did, i felt loved and cared for, but now it just seems that we're keeping each other around only so we won't be alone. i don't know if it's just my *cough* depression *cough* that's making me feel this way or if it really is happening. i've been thinking about it for a few weeks now... i don't know, was it before drama? during drama? sometime during that time period, a dramatic subtle change happened, and none of us have been the same since.

i really haven't been the same since. i know that for sure. something really crappy happened inside my head, and now i can't go a day without feeling this shit.

"so let it rain, rain on... i'm causing a catastrophe..."

only flickerstick can calm me down. ah, flickerstick can never be too loud.

i really need to write some more epic poetry like i used to, that really used to work well with my moods.

i will not say anything more about the live cd. if it comes in tomorrow, then it comes in tomorrow. if it doesn't, well, oh well.