um... woah.

damn. that's the one thing about becoming attached to a blog... you feel you know the person, when you really don't. i have no freakin idea. i just want to reach out to these people, and talk to them, and... i don't know, feel closer to them than just reading words on a blog. but damn.

i know that pretty much no one knows what that is in response to, but... i can't explain now. i still have my headache from last night. i feel useless and worthless and very very tired. life gets to be too much to walk through sometimes. this week, i'm going to sleep through it. screw school. it doesn't matter. only my sanity does.

i need to talk to someone. i just need to sit down with a certain someone (and no i don't know who that is) and just pour my freakin mind out. talk therapy only works when somebody cares. i only work when someone cares. and i right at this moment i feel like no one cares about me. which is a load of shit because i know that they do. i'm well aware that i have people who care about me around me every day... i just can't seem to feel it. i hate feeling alone.

i just need to get away from everything. i need to get away from my family... it's killing me. this house. this town. this whole fucking state. kyle's right. this place is a total hell-hole.

"you're laughing aloud at just the thought of being alive... and i'm just wondering could i be you tonight"

so i went to hastings and got matchbox twenty's new cd. it's great. i've had them in my head for the last month. that and staind and my own prison. music is wonderful. absolutely wonderful.

i want to email him, but i have nothing to say. i don't want to sound fake, made up, routine. i want to be real. but real coming from someone you don't know isn't all that easy to pull off.

i need to sleep.

and no alex, i'm not ok. i'm never ok. i never have been ok. i don't think i'll be ok for a long time yet.
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oh yeah, and comments are always appreciated.